oh, and also, i really don't want to do flying imagery because if anything, flying is the opposite of what it felt like. it was more like being at the top of a tall building and trying not to fall off.
--Yvette

yes, well...the thing at the end with the leaves implies that my "bright green leaves," which represent happiness, lust for life, etc., all those things you associate with spring, are leaving with him and kind of following him to the far-away place, blown away by the "November gale." (Not that I would ever let a boy shake up my life that way, of course. That's just the feeling I had in my dream. Also, I was kind of preoccupied with him leaving because he had left for St. Petersburg the day before, so I'm not really surprised I had a dream about it. Not permanently, of course, he's taking some classes and doing some seminars and stuff and he's coming back in July. This is all really irrelevant, isn't it? O.K., sorry, end of tangent.) And anyway, I have written one other poem based on a dream, but I didn't call it "Dream #1," it actually has a real title. You've just never read it because it really sucks. "Dream #2" is just kind of a working title until I think of something better. Also, if I could ask you whether or not you think I should add some more "romantic" details to steer the poem in that direction? It seems that "Afterglow" would work better that way, maybe this one, too? Let me know.
--Yvette Bellerive

Ah man, a bunch of little five year olds schooled me at swimming. Five year old girls. ^_^

So, let's see... I left off with line three; I think cry is a hollow word to describe a complex action, like the word happy or dance. The reader sees what you say but not what you mean. Since line three is a little shorter than the others around it, you could easily replace cry with an metaphor, like steeping his lapels in a kettle of tears or something like that .

I like the capitalization in line four, and the imagery :3 Very nice. He's like a Californian Marlboro man!

Line five is open for awesome flight imagery; your feet leave the ground, but your description stays firmly planted in reality! What?! Since it's a dream, you have an official poetic license to make it as surreal as you care to. Of course, if you prefer it to stay true to your dream (what "actually" happened), then naturally you can leave it as it is.

"stuck in limbo" is another phrase I understand, but share no sympathy to. You could compare yourself with the tree metaphor to a seed caught in the eddies of the wind, or with the clothing metaphor as a piece of lint or stray string.

Describe what a dream taxi is like, and where it's headed . I remember Blackwood's old piece [I forget the name], but the world comes crashing down around him and the first thing to go is the taxi driver's features. Cool story- I'd like to see something like that here. As is, your dream is just a vague story. When I dream, I do it in full-on colour and feeling; is there something like that you can pull out of your dreaming conciousness?

I like the tree. You could describe yourself as a tree half unrooted by the storm, with him being your real roots as they lose their grip on earth to go to the "place far away". I'd like to see the tree represent your dream, more than your relation to the ubiquitous "him" in the dream. Like how you're not "rooted" [use a different word, as to use it as featured would be cliche ] in reality. Ah well, just idle musings to take and leave as you please.

Just a poetic note, to be kissed on the forehead by someone taller than you is an engulfing experience. When I kiss [I hesitate to write her name on the internet] on the forehead, she's fully eclipsed in my shadow. She tells me so :3. What does being kissed on the forehead mean to you? If you know, write it. If you don't, live it!

I'm afraid I don't understand the ending message; do your leaves follow him? Is he headed into the "distance"? I'll refrain from comment until I understand better :3 I find my foot uncharacteristically lodged in my throat whenever I jump the gun and critique what I don't understand .

As always, I'm more likely to make corrections to a poem I like than one I don't- it's like poetic triage! This poem definitely makes the cut. The critique may appear rough, but only because I enjoyed reading the poem .

Har har, I find it quite trendy how there is a poem called "Dream # 2" without a poem called Dream or Dream # 1 . It draws in the reader in one of those funny literative ways.

First line- a far off place? Dreams are vague by accident, but poems are specific by necessity :3. If you could insert an actual place, or a fantastic stand-in, it would anchor the reader in the reality of the poem. If he were heading to the far side of the moon forever or heading past the breakers at San Fransisco bay, then we'd think: "Woah, you must be dreaming, but he's headed far away!"

Second line- the wording is unnecessarily long. Try "and I threw my arms around your neck", because all those other words add no imagery. In the vaccuum where obtuse diction used to be, add something cool! Like some dreamscape scenery, or more character description. I'd like to know what the inside of your head looks like :3!

I'll be back in a little while to finish off this critique... It's summer, and I feel like swimmin'!